A small warning: I talk about sex in this post. Nothing graphic, it's PG-13 for the most part, but if the subject of sex in general bothers you, you should not read this post.
A lot of people are angry about this post by Susan Walsh, specifically this chart (can we call it a chart? I'm pretty sure it insults the good name of charts everywhere). I can't really say anything better than Holly or Man Boobz, but I do think it's important to point idiocy like this out, mostly because it is dangerous idiocy.
For the record, rape is not a forgone and necessary conclusion to having habitual casual sex. That's like saying because you go out for walks, at some point you're going to have someone stab you for your wallet. That's just the way it is, people. In this country we have this thing about people getting to live life in the pursuit of happiness, and we have laws to protect us against people who would hurt us while we go about doing that. Rape is never excusable, never justifiable, and it is certainly never a guaranteed outcome.
Also apparently gay people don't count at all, since they can have casual sex without making babies, so it's fine? But probably also going to end with rape/ loosing money. I'm not sure where the idea that you're supposed to get money from sex that isn't prostitution came from in the first place. Does that make prostitution okay, since at least you're going to come out ahead financially?
I'm also not really sure where all of this "Women lose by having casual sex!" nonsense (also fisked by Holly) is coming from. I'm really not sure why it is that now some women, like Susan Walsh, feel the need to go about "helping" women understand this. If a woman wants to wait, then that's fine. If a woman wants to have sex with everyone on the god damned planet, then that's fine too. Why is it widely held that the woman who wants sex is hurting the woman who wants to wait? Can men only have sex with one woman and then they have to remain celibate forever, like some kind magic chest where sex is the treasure and once one woman takes it out THERE IS NO MORE FOR ANYONE ELSE! Then the cock-nabbing woman runs off into the night laughing maniacally while the "pure and celibate" woman cries at home alone. Then, these "pure" women are FORCED to go have casual sex to try to get a man, because the only way to get that treasure back is to sleep with them outside a relationship?
I know it's a hyperbolic metaphor, but I DARE you to try to make sense of this in a sane and logical way. It assumes that all men are stupid jack-asses who only ever want casual sex all the time, and that women who are saving it for marriage are limited in their choices for partner because of women who show men that they can have casual sex. This theoretically leads to women to feel pressured into having sex before marriage, and then are left crying and broken as Barney Stinson wanders off to fuck someone else. Because all most women are looking for is marriage and 2.5 kids. Right?
Let's be clear here. Sometimes people, men and women, will tell someone that they want to have sex with that they are serious about them when they are just trying to get into their pants. This is not in any way right, and I do not condone lying to someone to have sex.
That being said, I don't think that sex should ever be used as a bargaining tool. If you want to have sex, have sex. If you want to wait until you are in a committed relationship, then wait. Trying to convince someone that you should be in a committed relationship so that THEN you can have sex seems, well, silly. If all that your partner wants to do is have sex, then trying to bargain a certain amount of time or emotional attachment out of them is not going to work. If someone want to really be with you, they will wait for you. If they don't, then that's not what they are looking for and that's okay. It does not mean that they are a bad person OR that you aren't good enough. It just means that it's not going to work out.
Regardless, none of this is Random Evil Woman #3's fault for wanting casual sex. That's all that she is looking for, and the type of men that want to have casual consensual sex are not the kind of men that are looking for a committed relationship. There ARE men who want committed relationships, even if it seems like they are scarce on the ground. It is an unfortunate side effect of wanting to wait that, well, you have to wait. If you are jealous that Random Evil Woman is having sex more than you, then you can go get sex. If you think she is happier than you, and you want to be happy like her, have you tried having the casual sex? Having casual sex at one time doesn't mean that you can't later decide you want to wait, or that it ruins you for long-term relationships later. Just realize that the men who sleep with you casually are generally going to want to keep it casual. If you know that this won't work for you, then that is completely fine, you are not being judged by this ridiculous standard of how many people you've fucked.
News flash: women no longer need to choose between the Virgin and the Whore. We are people, not cardboard cut-outs who can only make stereotypical decisions. Our decisions about who we have sex with, or when we chose to do so, are no one's business and they are certainly not hurting other women who make different decisions. You may disagree with how one person chooses to live their life, but you should always support their right to have a choice.
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